Because we’re human, and, ya know, life – sometimes in a friendship, the communicational balance is unequal.
If my friend is making more effort than me for a while, I acknowledge that. I know how much mental and emotional effort it can sometimes take to stay in touch, and I am mindful of the attempts my friends make to connect.[1]
If I am making more effort to stay in contact for a little while, I give my pal the benefit of the doubt.
But if I’m beginning to notice resentment on my part, or if the communication is not balanced in either side for a prolonged amount of time, I examine if I and the other are OK with the imbalance. If it’s not, can we try to come up with a solution that suits both of us? For conversations like this, intentional dialogue can be useful…
If the other person is initiating far more and the balance feels off, I agree with Dr. Miriam Kirmayer: “Addressing friends’ bids for attention can mean the difference between having a dear friendship flourish or fade during a frantic time.”[2] In my experience, it’s really important to give validation and affirmation in that situation, rather than just dismissing and saying we’re too busy.
[1] Miriam Kirmayer quoted in Goldfarb, A., 2020. How To Maintain Friendships (Published 2018). [online] Nytimes.com. Available at: <https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/18/smarter-living/how-to-maintain-friends.html> [Accessed 27 October 2020]
[2] Miriam Kirmayer quoted in Goldfarb, A., 2020. How To Maintain Friendships (Published 2018). [online] Nytimes.com. Available at: <https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/18/smarter-living/how-to-maintain-friends.html> [Accessed 27 October 2020]