Intentional Dialogue

Lately, a good friend sent me a link to a video on ‘Intentional Dialogue’, a relationship tool invented by Harville Hendrix. I found it really helpful for changing an argument into a constructive conversation.

For me, the best approach was to watch the video. Here’s a brief summary:

  • The person who wants the dialogue is the ‘sender’, the other is the ‘receiver’.
  • The sender asks for an intentional dialogue. The receiver agrees to do intentional dialogue within the next 24 hours. (pro tip: ensure neither of you are hungry or tired before beginning the intentional dialogue.)
  • Sender says ‘When … , I feel ….’
  • Receiver says ‘What I’m hearing you say is . . . ‘ and repeats the sender’s words back to them
  • Receiver asks ‘Did I get it?’
  • Receiver asks ‘Is there more?’
  • When the sender has finished speaking, the receiver puts themselves in their shoes, and empathises. ‘I can imagine that when …. ‘

There are full instructions here:

I suspect that if we all listened more deeply, our relationships, plus our music, would improve! Here’s to more listening in our world.


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